Breakdown
by Hecate28
Summary: Set after 'Awakening'. Nikki's not coping after the events of Mexico. It's up to the team to make a very difficult decision. But need mental health always be about breakdown, can it be about breakthrough as well?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 _(Disclaimer: I own no rights to Silent Witness. All characters belong to the BBC)_

"So Nicola, why do you think you're here?"

Nikki said nothing. She didn't even flinch at the use of her full name, something that usually made her correct whoever had used it. She merely sat there, gaze levelled at the bandage on her hand.

"Nicola. I can't help you if you don't speak to me," the tone were stricter now. Like a schoolteacher telling a naughty pupil off.

Nikki still said nothing. She felt a ripple of tension pulse through her body as she struggled not to scream.

"Nicola, do you think it's got something to do with Mexico?"

That was enough.

Nikki stood up, pushing the chair backwards and forced the door open with all her might. She heard it slam shut behind her and she felt a small amount of satisfaction at the thudding noise.

"Nikki?" a new voice this time. Softer. Kinder "What's wrong? Hey slow down!". This new voice followed her as she swept down the corridor and turned off suddenly.

Nikki flung herself down on the nearby bed and finally, after all this time the tears came streaming forth. Hot, sticky tears fell down her face and suddenly she felt like Alice in Wonderland.

Would she drown in her tears?

"Doctors are arseholes," the voice cursed "Sorry Nikki, I forgot you were one of them. No offence,"

"None taken Emily," Nikki said, her voice thick with tears "Were you waiting for me outside that room?"

"Yes, but not eavesdropping. I just know that Doctor Redford likes to push buttons to get you to speak. I guess she did that to you huh?" Emily said sitting down next to Nikki

"Why though?" Nikki said "It's a cruel way to try and help someone,"

Emily nodded thoughtfully "Like I said, doctors are arseholes. Except forensic palaeontologists,"

"Pathologists," Nikki corrected

"Pathologists," Emily agreed "When's that pal of yours coming back in. He's kind of good-looking,"

"Not my type," Nikki told her "He's not even the same species,"

"He's too tall for me," Emily gestured to her four foot eleven frame "But I guess that wouldn't make a difference in bed. We'd be lying down and doing it-"

"Emily Hooper!" a voice scolded but as the pair turned they saw that Anna was trying to suppress a smile "Wash that filthy mouth of yours out!"

"I never said anything. You just have a dirty mind," Emily called back with a mischievous grin on her face

Anna ignored her and straightened her uniform "Nikki, Jack's waiting in the day-room as well if you want to see him,"

Nikki shook her head.

"Go and see Jack, Nikki," Emily told her "Talk to him,"

"He's the reason I'm in here,"

Emily cocked her head on one side and looked at her sympathetically "Talk to him," she said, pushing up off Nikki's bed and retreating to her own bed-space

Nikki paused for a moment before getting up off the bed, wiping her eyes and exiting the room. She wandered slowly down the corridor pausing for a moment to look out of the window. It was raining outside but the weather want the thing that caught her eye. It was the blue and white NHS sign past the high fence.

Fairview Psychiatric Hospital.

 **Author's note: What do you think? I'm not sure if I want to carry this on, but leave me a comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Jack tapped his foot on the floor impatiently. He was sitting on a hard plastic chair in the dayroom waiting for Nikki. The nurse has cheerfully let him in, telling him how pleased she was that he was here and how nice it would be for Nikki to have a visitor.

Jack wasn't so sure Nikki would feel the same.

The door creaked open and Jack looked up. In walked the nurse he had seen earlier, going by her name-badge she was called Anna, and then, more timidly, followed Nikki. She glanced around the room as Anna whispered something in her ear and pointed in Jack's direction. She nodded and slowly walked over him.

"Hey," he said standing up to greet her

"Hey yourself," she replied. He couldn't quite place her tone: frustration? anger? shyness? Or just being done with life?

Jack glanced down at his smaller companion. She looked different from the Nikki he worked with. Lyell Nikki was primly dressed with immaculate hair and make-up. The woman in front of him had tussled hair, running mascara and was wearing an oversized white hoodie and jeans. She'd been crying and was staring how at the floor so she wouldn't show it to anyone. She had been doing that a lot recently.

"How're you doing?" he asked gently as he took a seat "Aren't you going to sit down?" he frowned as she failed to follow his action

"Why do you ask so many questions. What is it with you people?"

Jack sighed "I guess it didn't go well with Doctor Redford," he said, though it was more of a statement than a question

"Why am I here Jack?" she asked angrily

"You're not well Nikki," he told her "You need help. More help than Clarissa, Thomas or I can give you at the moment,"

"I don't need to be here. I need to work," she snapped

"You need to rest," Jack said "You've needed to rest since Mexico. I-" he stopped and looked at Nikki. She was swaying on the spot and her face had gone pale at that name "Sit down," he said pulling her into the chair next to him. He could feel he could feel her bony wrist and made a note to tell the nurses he thought she'd lost some weight.

"Jack," she said after a moment "I don't want to be here,"

"I know Nikki but you need to be here. We want to help you and this is the only way we can. It's only temporary. You'll be out before you know it,"

"Emily's been here for three months,"

"She the short one?" Jack asked

"Everyone's short to you," Nikki smiled

Jack laughed. Nikki was making jokes. That had to be a good sign hadn't it?

"Emily's on her own journey, Nikki," Jack told her "She'll get better in her own time, just like you'll get better. I'm glad you've made a friend in here though,"

The door opened again and Nikki and Jack looked up. Emily sauntered in with a grin on her face. She waved at the pair before heading to the nurse's office to catch a word with Anna.

Jack's phone buzzed making Nikki jump. He mouthed an apology at her before answering it.

"Thomas?" he said into the device "Yeah I'm with her now. You want a word Nikki?" he whispered but she shook her head "She's doing okay Thomas. What now? Ok…text me the address,"

"What's wrong?" Nikki asked when he had hung up

Jack sighed "I have to go Nikki. There's a job that's come up. Thomas needs me to collect evidence,"

"But you've just arrived," she exclaimed

"I know," he said apologetically "but I'll be back tomorrow, I promise. And tomorrow I'm not on call so I can stay longer. Maybe we can take a walk around the grounds. Get you some fresh air. How does that sound hey?"

Nikki shrugged and twisted the sleeve of her oversized hoody nervously. When jack realised he wasn't going to get a response from her, he stood up and, to surprise them both, gave her a gentle kiss on the head.

"I'll see you later Nikki," he said "Go and find Emily. Stick with her,"

Nikki made no response and Jack sighed. That had been the first time she had opened up to him and then his phone had interrupted them both. What if she never opened up again? No. Doctor Redford had hopes for Nikki even if she couldn't see it herself.

Jack made his way over to the nurses office to get a nurse to buzz him out. He bumped into Emily who was just coming out. He saw a hurt look on her face but she quickly rearranged her features when she saw Jack

"Do me a favour Emily?" he asked and she nodded "Keep an eye on Nikki for me will you. She likes you and trusts you,"

"I like her too," Emily said earnestly "I'll keep an eye on her. I'm only in the next bed-space anyway,"

"Thanks," he smiled warmly at her "I'll see you around,"

She nodded and scampered off towards Nikki who was still sitting listlessly in the hard, plastic chair

"Are you leaving Jack?" Anna asked coming to the door with him

"Work calls," he said and Anna nodded sympathetically "But I'll be back tomorrow. Remind Nikki of that. She's been forgetting things lately,"

"Doctor Redford says that's part of her condition," Anna told him, fumbling for her pass in her pocket "She's a fighter though Jack. She'll pull through,"

"I know," he said with a lot more optimism than he actually felt.

For she would get better.

Wouldn't she?

 **Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"What do you think is for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry, Emily," Nikki sighed as they made their way down the corridor having been called for supper by one of the nurses

"It better not be macaroni cheese. If I eat any more of it, I'll turn into it!"

"How can you think of food in this place?" Nikki grimaced

"If you don't eat they wont let you out," Emily warned

"You've been eating and you've been here for three months," Nikki said without thinking

"Ouch…"

"Sorry Emily. I didn't mean it like that. I didn't think,"

"S'alright," Emily said with a shrug and playfully bumped Nikki's shoulder to show she had accepted the apology

"I'm just frustrated," Nikki sighed "I've been stuck in here a week and not progressed more than the hospital grounds. I want to go home," she said, cursing that she sounded like a petulant child

"We all do," Emily said quietly "But it's just a waiting game. Well that makes it sound more passive than it actually is. You can help yourself by showing them that you're well and that means eating,"

"Jack says I'm not well," Nikki mused

"And what do you think?"

"I don't know," Nikki said quickly

"Then why are you here?" Emily asked directly, stopping in the corridor and looking up at Nikki

Nikki paused for a moment before answering "Something bad happened to me three months ago. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, not even Jack. Then something happened at work, an incident. Jack took me to Accident and Emergency. He told me he was worried about me, that he just wanted to help. But look how his help ended up. I'm stuck in this place, sectioned, held against my will," Nikki finished crossly and blushed when she realised how open she'd been

"Don't say sorry," Emily jumped in as Nikki opened her mouth to apologise "You don't have to apologise for having emotions and having a shit time,"

"Thanks Emily," Nikki smiled as they carried on walking

"How'd it go with Jack?" Emily asked, changing the subject as she noticed that Nikki felt vulnerable having opened up so much and so quickly

"Okay, I suppose," Nikki shrugged "He had to leave early and go to work," she said as they entered the dining room

"That sucks," Emily sympathised

"Did you get any visitors today?" Nikki asked

"No," Nikki saw a look pass across Emily's face, although it was quickly rearranged "What's the veggie option?" Emily asked as they approached the serving hatch

"Macaroni cheese,"

"Bollocks!"

….

Nikki sighed as she pressed her back into the wall. The coolness of the structure sank through her hoodie and into her skin, numbing her back. She picked up her phone and punched in a familiar string of numbers

"Nikki?" a voice answered

"Hi Jack," she said softly "I was…I was…" Nikki stumbled over her words

Why was she phoning Jack? Of all people he was the reason she was in here. He'd been the one to take her to Accident and Emergency. He'd been the one to request the Mental Health Act assessment. He'd been the one who agreed with the psychiatrist that she should be sectioned.

"Did you want to talk?" he coaxed gently and suddenly her anger ebbed a little and she made a small grunt of affirmation "How was dinner? Please tell me you ate something?"

"A little," she said

"Good," Jack aid firmly "You need your strength,"

"How was work?" Nikki asked, desperate for a distraction

"You don't need to hear about work. You need to focus on getting better,"

"I need to keep my mind busy," Nikki protested

"That's what got you in there in the first place," Jack sighed "Look I can bring you in some more stuff if you want but no work stuff. You know what Doctor Redford said,"

"But Jack-"

"No Nikki, listen. I almost lost you and I don't want to loose you again. We need you to get well, _I_ need you to get well," Jack said and Nikki heard his voice slightly crack with emotion, although he quickly concealed it with a cough

"Jack, I'm-" Nikki said but was cut off by the nurse calling her for medication

"Look you go and get your meds," Jack told her "That's important. I'll bring you in some more books and clothes and whatever you want. Just text me. I'll be in tomorrow about ten and we'll go for a walk and talk some more then,"

"Fine," Nikki said curtly, feeling like a naughty child for the second time that day

"Good," Jack told her "I'll see you tomorrow,"

"Bye," Nikki said glumly as she heard Jack hang up the phone

She rested her head back against the wall and sighed. She had been looking forward to seeing Jack tomorrow but now she was anticipating and dreading it in equal measures. She didn't know how to act around him. One minute she hated him, the next minute she was desperate to hear his voice. Doctor Redford said that was a part of her illness.

It was an effect of the trauma.

Of Mexico…

"No," she said sternly to herself, bumping her head back against the wall. She would not think about that. It was buried in the past and that was where it would stay.

She would get out of here. She would go back to work and show them all, show _Jack_ , just how strong she would be. She would tell Doctor Redford what for and get out of here.

"Nikki?" Anna called, drawing her out of her thoughts "Medication,"

"Coming," Nikki said, pulling herself to her feet

"Are you okay?" Anna asked looking concerned

"Fine," Nikki answered

She could convince them, all she had to do was convince herself.

 **Author's note: Thanks for the reviews :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The rain had eased off in the night and the morning broke with a weak, watery sun. Nikki shivered as she pulled her hoody around her, fiddling with the sleeves as she walked across the damp tarmac.

"So what was for dinner last night?" Jack said, striking up a gentle conversation

"Macaroni cheese," Nikki shrugged "Emily wasn't happy."

Jack chuckled softly "At least you ate something. You need the energy,"

Nikki shrugged again

"How'd it go with Doctor Redford yesterday?" he asked quickly

Nikki paused for a moment and looked up at the Irishman "You already know how it went," she said sensing something in his tone

Jack sighed before nodding "She told me you walked out. Why?"

The question was direct. It caught her off guard "She likes to push buttons. She's playing games,"

"She's not playing games Nikki. She's trying to get you to open up, to help you,"

"I don't need help," she said stubbornly

"Remember what you told me in Accident and Emergency? You told me you felt out of control, that you wanted this all to stop so you could get back to being Nikki," Jack said

"I wasn't myself," Nikki reasoned

"Too right you weren't!" Jack whistled low "I've never seen you like that Nikki, that day in the cutting room, and I never want to again,"

"But Doctor Redford isn't helping," Nikki protested

"You're not letting her help. I know you've had a bad run in with psychiatrist's in the past, but that was the past. This is a different doctor, a different diagnosis. Post-traumatic stress disorder and depression is-"

"I do not have those things!" Nikki snapped and Jack was taken back by the sudden change in tone. Doctor Redford has told him this was a common reaction in people who had suffered trauma but it still shocked him when it happened "Sorry," she apologised

"You don't have to apologise," he said "You're not well. After all you've been through you of all people should be allowed to shout and scream all you want,"

"But not at you," she sighed taking a seat on a nearby bench "I know you were just trying to help but I can't be here Jack,"

"I know," he said sitting down next to her "But this is only temporary. It will pass,"

"You sound like the nurses," she smiled softly "They've been teaching me mindfulness. Radical acceptance especially. It's about accepting things are bad right now. That it may not be right or fair, or even how it will be in the future, but that's how things are," Jack raised an eyebrow but nodded at her to continue "But they wont last; all things pass and this took shall pass. And you just have to accept that,"

Jack nodded, deep in thought "Sounds very zen,"

"Time felt like an eternity stuck in that box," Nikki said softly "I didn't think I was going to get out,"

"I know," Jack said gently "Here," he said shrugging off his jacket as he watched Nikki shiver for a second time

"Wont you get cold?" she asked but he shook his head

She put his jacket around her shoulders. The sleeves fell far past her hands but it was warm. She breathed in his musky scent and was comforted.

"You need to work with Doctor Redford," he said again

"I know," Nikki nodded "But I don't like her. She doesn't treat me as a peer,"

"Then tell her that," Jack said "Talk to her. Call her a shit-bag if you want but just talk to her,"

Nikki smiled wearily "How was work yesterday?"

"Nikki," Jack warned

"It was an innocent question," she pleaded

Jack sighed "Busy," he said bluntly "A business man was found dead in his car. An Edward Hooper. CEO of a newspaper chain,"

"Hooper?" Nikki frowned, the name was oddly familiar but she couldn't put her finger on it. The meds had clouded her mind

"Anyway, enough of work. It's my day off and I don't want to talk about corpses. How about we head back to the canteen for a cup of coffee. Warm you up, eh?"

Nikki nodded and the pair of them stood up and made their way back towards the hospital, Nikki reluctantly falling into pace behind Jack. He noticed this and took her hand gently, pulling her into step with him.

"It'll be okay Nikki," he said softly and she nodded, gripping his hand tightly.

Little did she know, things were about to take a turn for the worst.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Nikki didn't know whether it was the coffee or Jack's company but she felt a little perkier as they walked back into the hospital and it didn't go unnoticed by Jack.

"You look happier," he smiled and she gave a quick nod "You'll be back just in time for lunch,"

"Oh joy…" Nikki sighed "Hospital food,"

"You never know it might be something wonderful again, like macaroni cheese!" he joked and Nikki chuckled

"Emily will be happy,"

"She seems like a nice wee girl," Jack said and Nikki nodded

"She fancies you,"

"Who doesn't?" Jack puffed out his chest and Nikki smiled

"She's been here for three month though,"

"That's tough," Jack sympathised "But that doesn't mean you'll be here that long. You just need to work with the nurses and Doctor Redford,"

Nikki nodded although Jack knew that didn't necessarily mean she agreed with him

"Look, if it helps, text me the next time you know you've got an appointment with Doctor Redford and I'll see if I can sit in with you. A friendly face may help and Doctor Redford said she's keen you keep up with your friends and colleagues," Jack told her

"Okay," Nikki nodded as they stopped outside the ward door "Thanks Jack," and she reached up on her tip-toes and pressed quick warm peck on his cheek

She gave him a quick wave goodbye as the nurse opened the door to let Nikki in and then she was gone. Jack placed a finger on his cheek, where she had kissed him and gave a small smile. Maybe she was getting back to her old self? Maybe, just maybe, he was getting his Nikki back.

…

But Nikki's good mood was short lived when she went back into the dormitory. She knew something was wrong when she saw the curtains around Emily's bed tightly shut. Emily very rarely closed her curtains, only for getting changed and sometimes not even then (Nikki had had to avert her eyes on many occasions), but now they were shut.

Something was wrong.

"Emily?" she called as she pulled off her hoody and laid it on her bed

"Hi Nikki…" Emily's voice was thick and oddly strained. Nikki knew the sound

She was crying.

Nikki popped her head around the curtains and her suspicions were confirmed. Emily was curled up in the foetal position gently sobbing. Crumpled tissues lay in piles around her and she had resorted to using the sleeve of her top to wipe her nose instead.

"What's wrong?" Nikki said grabbing some clean tissues for Emily. That sleeve was getting mighty saturated.

"Nothing," Emily sat up "How was your time with Jack?"

"Don't change the subject. Something's clearly wrong. You never cry,"

"Yeah, well now I do," Emily shrugged defensively

"Emily…" Nikki began "You can tell me what's wrong. I won't shout at you or judge you. We're friends, remember?"

"Dad's dead," Emily said bluntly

"Emily Hooper!" Nikki suddenly exclaimed "Your Dad's Edward Hooper. Why didn't I make the connection?" she muttered to herself before looking at Emily "Sorry Emily, what I meant to say is I'm so sorry,"

"It's okay," Emily said knowing it was anything but that

"What about your Mum?" Nikki asked "Can you get the ward to call her. It might be some support for you?"

"Mum died when I was nine," Emily sniffled

"I'm really putting my foot in it aren't I?" Nikki said and Emily let out a tearful chuckle "Come here," she said sitting on the edge of Emily's bed and pulling her into a comforting hug "Cry all you want,"

"The nurses just keep saying take medication," Emily said as she made Nikki's shoulder wet and snotty

"Maybe it will help?" Nikki questioned

"There's no cure for grief," Emily said

"And that's okay Emily," Nikki soothed "It's okay to be sad,"

"I'm not sad, I'm angry," Emily muttered crossly "Why did he have to go and die. I needed him. I needed him three months ago when I had my breakdown. I needed him and he threw me in this place and left me to rot. He didn't call or write or visit and now he lands up dead,"

"Did they say how they found him?"

"In his car. They need to do a post…a post-thing,"

"Mortem," Nikki nodded "That's pretty standard Emily. But they'll treat him with the upmost respect, I can guarantee you that,"

"Can you do the post-mortem, I trust you?"

"I can't Emily," she said sadly "I'm stuck in here, remember?"

"Oh…"

"But I can find out who is going to do it and anything you need to ask about the process you just tell me and I'll do my best to answer it. And I'll be here for you, I'm not going anywhere Emily," Nikki reassured the other woman

Emily nodded into Nikki's shoulder and the pair sat like that until Anna, the nurse, came in giving Emily a sympathetic look

"It's lunchtime ladies," she said and Nikki nodded

"We're coming," Nikki told her pulling Emily up behind her as she stood up "You need to eat," she told her firmly

"Doctor Redford wants to see you tomorrow morning Nikki," Anna said

"Fine," Nikki said absentmindedly as she kept an eye in Emily who was still leaning into her shoulder.

She knew it was anything but, but she had to keep strong. For Emily. For Jack.

And she was determined to find out what happened to Edward Hooper no matter what the cost.

She was Doctor Nikki Alexander after all.

 **Author's note: Sorry this took a bit longer to post. Thanks for the reviews :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"Nikki…" Jack said gently as he leaned in towards her.

From that distance he could see she was shaking all over leading to her shoes tap-tapping on the floor.

"I'm fine," she said to his silent question.

He raised an eyebrow in response

"I know Edward Hooper is Emily's dad," she said bluntly, changing the subject

"Nikki…" Jack warned again "I told you to keep your mind off work. You're not well enough to come back yet,"

"Don't tell me what I can't do!" she said angrily and Jack sighed

"Okay, okay," he said raising his hands in submission "I know you're strong enough to beat this Nikki, but don't run before you can walk. You came back too soon after Mexico and look what happened- you landed up in here,"

"I will come back to work," Nikki said as she felt her throat tighten with emotion

"Sure you will," Jack agreed "But you need to let us help you and that includes Doctor Redford," he said gesturing towards the office door "You need to talk to her today. Not storm out,"

"She pressed my buttons," Nikki said quietly

"She's a psychiatrist. They're meant to probe. You can't blood test a mental illness. She needs to talk to you to find out what's up,"

"Jack, I-" she began but the door opened and Doctor Redford stepped out

"Nicola, would you like to come in for a chat?" Doctor Redford said "And I see you've brought Jack with you. Excellent. We can all sit down together," she said as Jack and Nikki stood up and went into her office.

The office was airy and bright; painted in cream with a painting of a sea-view on one of the walls. The majority of the room was taken up by Doctor Redford's desk, on which sat a computer which Nikki could see had opened up her file on it.

"Right Nicola, how have you been feeling?" the question was straight to the point

"Fine. I'm feeling ready to go home,"

"We talked about this Nikki," Jack said "You need more time to get well,"

"Jack is right, Nicola," Doctor Redford nodded "You're better than you were two weeks ago but you've still a while to go before you get dischraged. For one thing we need to get your medication titrated to a level where it is beneficial to you and secondly, I would like to see you engage in talking therapy as a complimet to the medication,"

"What's there to talk about?" Nikki said "It's not like the is the first time I've ended up in a dangerous situation. I got through it then and I'll get through it now,"

"That's true in itself," Doctor Reford nodded "But this is the first time that you've ended up in a psychiatric hospital because of it. Why do you think that is?"

Nikki reamained silent.

"Nikki," Jack began "Do you remember what happned in the cutting room that day?"

Nikki looked down at her bandaged hand and sighed softly "I remember the scalpel in my hand and then I remember Thomas shouting my name. The toilet door was kicked open and you came in Jack,"

"Why did you take the scalpel Nicola?"

"I wasn't self-harming if that's what you are thinking. I took it for protection. The thing is I gripped it too hard and it cut into my hand,"

"Do you remember what you told me Nikki?" Jack asked, but she shook her head "You told me you could see El Buitre in the cutting room. You told me you could hear him laughing at you. You ran out of the cutting room with a scalpel. Thomas was calling your name and checking the offices whilst I checked the toilets,"

"I pointed the scalpel in your direction," Nikki said slowly as she remembered "I could have hurt you!"

Jack shook his head "You were just scared," he said gently "But you're right, the scalpel had cut into your hand. So that's why I took you to hospital,"

"For a mental health act assessment you mean"

"For both. Nikki, you hadn't been yourself for weeks. You'd been barely sleeping or eating. You told me that in hospital. You also told me you didn't want to go on like this and you wanted to get back to the old Nikki," Jack said

"And I can help you do that," Doctor Redford said "But you need to accept our help. Not just mine but also your friends,"

"I want to get out of here,"

"We can look at getting you more time off the ward. But for now I think you need to stay on your section until I am sure you will comply with your treatment regime," Doctor Redford said "Now, I think that's enough for today," she said firmly "I'll see you again on my next ward round"

Nikki and Jack stood up and exited the office and walked back to the ward

"You did well in their Nikki," Jack praised

"I could see him in the cutting room that day," she said softly

"But he's not here. No one can hurt you here, not whilst you're in hospital,"

"Someone's hurt Emily," Nikki said "Her Father is dead,"

"That's not something to concern yourself with," Jack said "Focus on getting better,"

"But he is her Father?" Nikki asked and Jack nodded "She's my friend and I need to help her,"

Jack sighed loudly. He knew when he was beaten "Just go carefully. You're not well yourself but I know that when you find a cause to help, nothing can stop Nikki Alexander," he said

"True," she gave a small smile "And you better not forget it Hodgson,"

"You'll get better Nikki. It'll just take time"

Nikki nodded. She had resigned herself to staying for a while. But she was going to make the most of her time here. And that meant investigating Edward Hooper's death. Well as much as she could. That would show them she was getting better.

She'd show them all.

 **Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews/follows :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"Medication ladies," Anna called as she switched on the lights in the female dormitory "Rise and shine,"

Nikki turned over in her bed, She had already been awake for the past hour. She had watched the sun rise and try to poke through the clouds.

"Morning Nikki," Anna smiled kindly as she noticed Nikki was rising "Meds time,"

Nikki nodded and pulled a hoodie over her pyjamas and made her way down to the medication room. The queue moved slowly as every patient stated their name and was checked off a list. Pills of every hue and size were passed out to the patients who swallowed them with the available water.

"Nicola Alexander," Nikki stated as she reached the head of the queue

"Here you go Nicola," one of the nurses said as she passed a small white cup with two white tablets in

"There's two tablets in here?" Nikki quizzed

The nurse frowned and checked the notes "Doctor Redford has increased your Anti-Depressant, hence the extra tablet,"

"She didn't discuss that with me," Nikki said indignantly

"Maybe bring it up with her at next ward round but take it for now. It's only going to help you Nicola," the nurse said

Nikki knew when to pick battles and this was not one of them.

Not yet.

She swallowed the pills and padded back to the dormitory where the other ladies were beginning to rise. All except Emily; the curtains were tightly pulled around her bed space.

"Emily?" Nikki called and stuck her head around the curtains "Oh Emily..." she said as she saw the younger woman curled up in the bed, barely moving apart from the tears that fell down her cheeks

"Go away Nikki," Emily sobbed "I don't want meds, I don't want breakfast and don't want to be here'

"Listen to me Emily," Nikki said firmly "I'm going to help you as much as I can but I need you to work with me. You need to take your medication. You need to eat and drink. If you don't they may move you to another ward and then I wont be able to help you. I need you to be brave. I'm here for you and it looks like I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, okay?"

"How can you help me from inside here?" Emily asked

"I have my ways," Nikki gave her a soft smile

….

"No," Jack sighed as he took a sip from his coffee "No way Nikki. Thomas would have my balls if I agree to it

"But I can help," Nikki protested

"You're here to get help for depression and PTSD, not work as a Home Office Pathologist on the sly,"

"You're the one who said I needed to get back on the horse,"

"Not until Doctor Redford gives you the all clear and you're not well. Your wrist hasn't even healed yet," he said gesturing to the bandage on her wrist

Nikki pulled her sleeve down and scowled at Jack "Then what am I supposed to do. Wait for the weekly ward round? Colour in with the art therapist? Watch endless day-time television? Jack, you know I work best when my brain is engaged. It's how I got though Harry leaving and Leo's death,"

Jack started. It was the first time she had been upfront with those two major events. Maybe the therapy was starting to work if she was facing up to those events.

Maybe the old Nikki was coming back to him.

No, a new Nikki. One with scars and bruises. Damaged but no broken. Coming through the darkness with a new determination.

He saw a determined look in her soft brown eyes that he hadn't seen for a while.

"Please Jack,"

Jack sighed "Well I suppose if Thomas gets my balls then it will save the NHS a job. But you only get five questions: What do you want to know?'

"One: That it is Emily's father, Edward Hooper, that is the victim?"

Jack nodded

"Two: How did he die?"

"Thomas did the post-mortem this morning. Blunt force trauma to the chest but no damage to his car. So Thomas reckons that the car wasn't the scene of the incident but somewhere else,"

"Three: What's the motive?"

"Hooper's paper was in trouble. Sales had gone down and he had made a number of job cuts. Perhaps someone took offence to that and did the deed,"

"Four: What's the forensic evidence saying?"

"There's some DNA that's on the shirt that's not his. But we'll need to get Emily's DNA to rule her out,"

"Five: How can I help?"

Jack paused "Talk to Emily. See if you can get her to open up about her relationship to her father,"

"See, I told you this was a good idea Jack," Nikki said brightly

"Thomas is going to castrate me if he finds out..."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

"Tell me about Edward, tell me about your Dad," Nikki said sitting across the table from Emily watching her as she filled in a colouring book.

The two were sat in the corner speaking quietly in case they were overheard

"You mean how we got on before he chucked me in this hell hole?" Emily said bitterly

"I just want to know what things were like before all this, before the ward,"

"I dunno," Emily shrugged "He was busy working all the time, on the paper. Even more so after Mum died. But he taught me the basics of reading and writing when I was little. I remember that. And the most important rule of writing,"

"What's that?" Nikki asked

"Don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of your story. You have one story to tell and that's your own. Don't let anyone take that away from you," Emily recited

"What's your story Emily?"

"Sometimes I hear things no one else can hear. Sometimes they're nice things. Most of the time they're not. One day they got so not nice that _they_ came for me. Dad had given them permission and _they_ took me away. And the rest they say is history..." she sighed and Nikki could see a flicker of pain float across her features

"Did your Dad ever visit you?"

"Never. I've been here 3 months and the closest I've got to a visitor is the police when they came to say Dad was dead,"

"Why do you think he never came?"

"Busy with his own bloody story so much so that he doesn't realise I'm a part of his. I'm his only daughter,"

"Do you know how your Dad died?"

"Blunt farce trauma or something like that," Emily shrugged

"Blunt _force_ trauma," Nikki gently corrected "It means something hit him hard in the chest and that's why he died,"

"Nikki," a voice called and both ladies turned to see Anna standing in the doorway to the nurse's office "Doctor Redford wants to see you,"

"I'll be back," Nikki said and Emily nodded going back to the colouring book on the table in front of her

…

"How are you feeling today Nikki?" Doctor Redford asked as they sat down in her office

"Fine," Nikki said quickly. A little _too_ quickly and Doctor Redford frowned

"I notice from the nurse's notes that you've been spending a lot of time with Emily Hooper,"

"And?" Nikki was on the defensive now

"My concern is that you're neglecting your own health by focusing on hers,"

"She's just lost her Dad. No one's come to see her in 3 months. I'm showing kindness, not substitution or whatever it is you're insinuating,"

Doctor Redford paused. Then nodded "We will be keeping an eye on this. Now, I want to talk to you about a different subject,"

Nikki closed her eyes

"Mexico," she whispered

"Now you know I've diagnosed you with depression and PTSD. The medication will help but so will talking. And you've been reluctant to do so ever since you arrived in the unit. We've touched on why you were brought her, but I want to focus on the other why. The Mexico why,"

"You've seen the notes and I know Jack's told you things as well,"

"I want to hear it from you,"

Nikki paused before answering "Darkness. Suffocation. Alone,"

"Which of those was worse?"

"Being alone,"

"Is that why you've been spending so much time with Emily and Jack? That you're worried that being alone will somehow recreate or bring to the surface those memories,"

"I like to keep busy," Nikki admitted, remembering telling Jack it was the way she had managed Harry and Leo's departures

"I worry you do it to the point of trying to avoid thinking about your trauma. I want to work with you on those memories. Not force them away. You're a strong woman Nikki. You survived Mexico, you can survive the memories. You just have to work with me and not against me. I'm not the enemy here, ok?"

"But you're keeping me here against my will," Nikki said

"Until I'm sure you can cope in the community," Doctor Redford said "I think we'll leave it here for today's session,"

"Good, because I've got some colouring to do with Emily..."

The lie slipped out far easier than she was expecting and Doctor Redford nodded as Nikki made her way back to Emily.

She was going to find out what happened to Edward Hooper no matter how many colouring books it took.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Jack was sitting at his desk when he heard Thomas' voice echo down the corridor, followed by a female voice that Jack knew, but couldn't put his finger on.

"If you'll just follow me," he heard Thomas say as the voices got closer.

"Come on Emily," a soft voice said and a woman in a blue uniform came into view who he recognised as Anna, one of the nurses from the hospital

Jack stood up and entered the corridor where he saw Emily Hooper standing there, head down and shivering slightly in the coolness of the Lyell

"Just take your time Emily," Anna was saying

"Hello Emily," Jack said softly and she looked up.

He noticed she was trying her hardest not to cry, as she gave him a weak smile

"Emily's come to see her father's body," Thomas said

"I can take her, Thomas," Jack said

"Are you sure?" Thomas asked

"She knows me," Jack said and Anna nodded in confirmation "You remember me, don't you Emily?"

"Nikki's friend," she said quietly and Jack nodded "I like Nikki,"

"I like Nikki too," Jack agreed

"She said it's okay to cry when I see Dad," Emily said "She said it's okay, not to be okay,"

"Nikki is very wise," Jack said "Just don't tell her that, or I'll never hear the end of it," he said and Emily let out a watery chuckle

"Are you ready Emily?" Anna asked

Looking up at Jack, she nodded.

Sure and unsure at the same time.

…

"Emily, can you come and get your meds," a voice called from the doorway and Emily made a noise, gesturing she was in the process of cleaning her teeth,

"I thought that when you're dead you look peaceful," Emily said between mouthfuls of toothpaste as she brushed her teeth in the communal sink "He looked scared. Are all dead bodies peaceful?"

"Not always," Nikki mused before noticing the horrified look on Emily's face "But from what I can establish, it would have been quick,"

"But he died alone," Emily said sadly

"It would have been quick," Nikki repeated in an attempt to comfort Emily, who had been on the brink of tears all through dinner

Emily shrugged as she rinsed her mouth and went back to her bed-space, where she pulled out a folder

"What's that?" Nikki said, her curiosity getting the better of her

"It's full of my Dad's articles," Emily said "Mum used to collect them and I sort of carried it on,"

"Can I have a look?" Nikki asked and Emily nodded, passing the folder over.

"Emily," Anna called again "Come and get your meds,"

"I've already had them," Emily replied

"Doctor Redford has prescribed some extra diazepam for you to take," Anna said

"I don't need extra meds," Emily protested

"It's okay Emily," Nikki said gently "It'll just take the edge off things,"

"Yes Doctor Alexander," Emily said, weakly trying to make a joke

Nikki had to admit. It was nice to be referred to as Doctor again.

She watched Emily follow Anna and turned her attention to the folder. It started off with small articles, a couple of paragraphs long, but as Nikki flicked though and Edward Hooper's career progressed, she started to see headline articles, front page news and Edward Hooper's name in bold print: CEO of the newspaper.

His progression had been quick. From minor news to controlling what the paper printed. She paused on the final few pages. There was a theme: front page articles talking about a scandal involving a William Brown and an unknown female.

Emily walked back in the room, looking calmer and slightly spaced out

"Who's William Brown?"Nikki asked

Emily looked at the paper cutting "Dad's rival. They were both journalists in the early days. Mum and Dad split up when I was eight. She was dating William before she died. Dad wasn't happy William took Mum away so he focused on ruining William's career as a journalist. Dad was CEO of the paper, he could print whatever the hell he wanted,"

Nikki nodded as she watched Emily yawn, as the medication took effect "I'll see you in the morning," she said as Emily stumbled to bed

"Dad always said Mum belonged to him," Emily said sleepily "I wish I belonged to someone,"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

"How're you feeling Emily?" Nikki asked the young woman who was sitting on her bed looking despondent

"Spacey," Emily replied

"That'll be the diazepam" Nikki reassured her "I was wondering whether I could borrow your folder to show to Jack,"

"Oh, is he coming in later?" Emily asked "I wish I could have a visitor,"

"Emily..." Nikki sighed sadly and began to say something when Emily's name was called again

"Emily," a new voice came and the pair looked up to see Anna standing there "You've got a visitor in the day room,"

"Really?" Emily asked "Who is it. It better not be another doctor"

"No, it's no" Anna replied "If you don't want to see him-"

"-no! It's fine, I'll come. Right now" Emily said before turning to Nikki "Talk about a _deus ex machina_ ,"

"So can I borrow this?" Nikki asked again and Emily nodded, clearly distracted by her news

Nikki watched as Emily practically skipped out of the room before turning to Anna

"Nikki?" Anna said poking her head into Nikki's bed-space "Jack's here to see you,"

Nikki smiled as she walked into the day-room. She had found herself looking forward to Jack's visits.

As Nikki entered the day room she looked across the room and saw Emily deep in conversation with a man with peppery grey hair and dressed in a smart suit, in contrast to Emily's jeans and a t-shirt.

"Who do you think that is?" Nikki mused as she sat down beside Jack

"Friend?" Jack shrugged

"I get the impression that Emily doesn't have many friends," Nikki sighed

"What's this discovery that you've come across then?" Jack said nodding to the folder on Nikki's lap

"I've found out some information about Edward Hooper,"she said passing him the folder

"Where did you find this?" Jack asked

"It's Emily's," she explained "It's a collection of his articles. But look to the last ones he printed," Nikki said as she flicked to the end of the folder

Jack raised his eyebrows as he read the writing in front of him "It looks like tabloid rubbish to me. If this is what was being produced, then no wonder the paper was in trouble. Who would buy this?"

"Emily told me that her Mother was divorced from her father and was in a relationship with a man called William Brown. Edward seemed bent on destroying William's career,"

"So we need to talk to William," Jack said "I'll talk to Thomas when I get back to the Lyell,"

"Thanks Jack,"

"For what?" He frowned

"Listening to me. Not dismissing my ideas,"

"Nikki, your mind might be a little damaged, but you're not broken. You're still Doctor Nikki Alexander, somewhere, beneath Mexico," he squeezed her hand "I know it,"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

When dinnertime came around, Emily seemed much chirpier even though macaroni cheese was on the menu

"I had a visitor," she said, telling Nikki for the fifth time that day

"Who was he?" Nikki said

"William," Emily said with a mouthful of food

"William Brown?" Nikki asked and Emily nodded

"Why was he here?"

"To visit me," Emily said

"Apart from that," Nikki said

"He wanted to take over being my next of kin now that my Dad...can't be,"

"I see," Nikki frowned

"He said that if I help him, then he'll write a letter supporting getting me off my section,"

"Help him how?"

"He just wanted to know about Dad. Like what I told the police and stuff," Emily shrugged

"Emily, have you told the police he's come to visit?"

"No, why would I?"

"He could be involved in what happened to your Dad,"

"But he promised to write that letter,"

"I know but.."

"Nikki I can't stay here. You have friends and a life outside of this place. I don't have anyone except the voices. I need out of here and William can help,"

"My concern is.."

"Nikki, it's fine," Emily said curtly and with that she picked up her plate and left Nikki alone deep in her thoughts.

….

After dinner had passed, Nikki was in her bed-space. Emily had made herself scarce and was sitting in her bed space, curtains drawn, away from everyone. Her good mood somewhat deflated.

"Nikki you have a visitor," Anna called to her

Nikki walked into the day-room expecting to see Jack but instead found someone else. Sitting in one of the chairs, looking out of place in his suit and tie, was Thomas.

"Nikki," he said, standing up to greet her

"Why-" she cut herself off before she could curtly ask him why he was here instead of Jack

"How are you?" he asked as she sat down beside him

"Fine," she replied, still looking slightly confused at his presence

"You weren't expecting me I assume?" he said and she nodded

"I thought Jack..." her sentence trailed off and shrugged

"Yes, well it's Jack I want to talk about. He came to me with some evidence concerning the Edward Hooper case. It has come to my attention that you've been trying to work on this case,"

Nikki sighed "All I'm trying to do is help in which ever way I can,"

"You're here to get better, not investigate a crime"

"I've found evidence,"

"Leave that to the police," Thomas retorted

"I'm helping Emily," Nikki protested "And you admit that his death is suspicious," she said, catching his words

Thomas paused for a moment, looking sternly at her and then looking defeated said "That's the first time since Mexico that I've seen that look in your eyes,"

"What look?"

"Jack calls it the Nikki look,"

"Is that a good thing?"

Thomas shrugged "Jack seems to think so. He's been singing your praises with what you've discovered so far. My concern is that you're not focusing on getting better,"

"It's working that will help me get better,"

"You're still under a section; you need to be here, however hard that sounds. This is why I've told Doctor Redford-"

"Thomas!" Nikki exclaimed, interrupting him

"-my concerns," he finished "I'm not the enemy here Nikki," Thomas protested

Nikki shook her head and left the room, leaving Thomas looking bemused and frustrated

...

"Emily," Nikki called to the shut curtains when she had entered the room

"Emily's not here," came her response

Nikki smiled "I wanted to apologise," she said

"It's fine,"

"No, it's not," Nikki said "I didn't realise how hard it's been for you. But I want to help,"

"What are you going to magic a friend for me out of thin air?"

"Not quite. We'll have to be careful, but I have a plan,"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"I didn't know Thomas would talk to Doctor Redford!" Jack said in protest as soon as Nikki entered the day room

"It's okay Jack," she said but Jack still looked worried "I don't blame you. To be honest I don't blame Thomas in principle. He just cares. Although the way he goes about things in practise is somewhat unhelpful,"

"You're being very magnanimous," Jack said

"And that's a big word for you," Nikki retorted as Jack feigned hurt

"You said you had a plan?" Jack asked

"You're going to visit Emily," Nikki said

…

"Emily?" Nikki said as she entered the dormitory

"Yeah?"

"You've got a visitor,"

"If you're taking the piss..."

"I'm not. I wouldn't do that," Nikki said "Jack's here to see you,"

"Me?"

"Yes," Nikki said

"Emily?" a new voice called

"Yeah?"

"I assume Nikki's told you about your visitor. I have more good news for you. We've had a team meeting today and Doctor Redford has been so impressed with your progress that you're allowed off the ward for one hour with a visitor supervising," Anna said

"No nurses?" Emily asked

"No nurses," Anna nodded We've not had any problems with Jack taking Nikki off the ward so we're happy to let you have leave for one hour as a trial today,"

"Can Nikki come?" Emily asked looking at Nikki who nodded

…

"I've not been out of the ward for three months," Emily said and Nikki could hear a quake in her voice as they walked towards the ward entrance

"It's okay Emily. Just take your time,"

"It starts with a single step," Jack encouraged

Emily screwed up her eyes, took a deep breath and stepped out of the ward as the door locked shut behind her

"I'm out..." she breathed

"You did it," Nikki said as she squeezed Emily's hand

"Do you want to go outside the hospital?" Jack said

"Yes...Yes please," Emily said as her face lit up at Jack's suggestion

"We've only got an hour,"

"I don't care if we only have thirty seconds. I want to be able to feel the breeze on my face, rather than getting it through a window that only opens a crack," Emily said and Nikki nodded sympathetically

"Come on," Nikki smiled as the three of them walked out of the hospital building and into the grounds.

The day was wet and breezy but Emily seemed not to mind the chill in the air. Nikki watched her, half pleased for her, half sympathetic towards the young woman who had spent the last three months stuck staring at the same four walls.

"So Jack and I wanted to talk to you," Nikki said as they walked along the path to a nearby bench.

The bench was damp from the rain but Emily seemed not to mind, even enjoy, the cool sensation seeping through her clothes

"Okay..." Emily said

"We wanted to talk to you about your Dad," Nikki said "Jack wants to help but he needs to know a bit more,"

"Okay..." Emily said again but with a bit more confidence in her voice

"So your Dad was CEO of the newspaper?"

"Yeah, he worked is way up from being a journalist's dogsbody, making coffees for the more important journalist's, writing low key humdrum articles, until he got his big break"

"Which was?"

"He was investigating with another junior reporter, the sudden death of a well-liked vicar. Except this well-liked vicar didn't die suddenly in a car accident but had been murdered by a disgruntled parishioner. Story hit the headlines. Dad got the scoop and it was his name on the front page," Emily said

"But you said that he was investigating with another reporter?" Jack asked

"Yeah," Emily nodded "William Brown,"

"But he didn't get the credit?" Nikki frowned

"Dad used to say that journalism was a dog eat dog world. That you have to do whatever it takes to get your name in print. Survival of the fittest if you will," Emily shrugged

"And so he worked his way up to CEO," Jack said "The top dog," he said and Emily nodded

"He wasn't at home very much. Mum pretty much raised me herself. It's no wonder they divorced. He was never around, but William was," Emily said "He used to take me to the playground, to give Mum a break,"

"You said that your Mum was dating William before she died," Nikki and Emily nodded "What did your Dad think of that?"

"Dad thought it was revenge for not giving William the credit for the story,"

"The article published before his death seem to be trying to discredit William," Jack murmured to Nikki who nodded

"William came to see you the other day, didn't he?" Nikki asked

"He wanted to know what I said to the police,"

"Why do you think he wanted to know that" Jack asked

"You think William had something to do with Dad's death," Emily stated bluntly

"Do you?"

Emily sighed "I can't trust what I think sometimes. I hear voices...they tell me different things and the medication makes my thoughts fuzzy," she said sounding frustrated "My brain is useless,"

"You're not useless Emily. You've helped Jack and I out a lot,"

"We should go back now," Jack said looking at his watch as Emily's face fell

"You'll be allowed out again Emily," Nikki said "Doctor Redford was impressed with you and that's not something Doctor Redford is often,"

"Plus it's nearly lunchtime," Jack said

"And I bet it's not macaroni cheese!" Nikki said trying to lift her spirits

As the trio walked back to the ward, Nikki and Jack fell behind, talking in hushed tones

"That was great Nikki. I'm going to do some more research on this William Brown fellow. The post-mortem said Edward wasn't killed in the car but placed there. Ill see what Clarissa has got forensic-wise,"

"What about Thomas?"

"We'll keep it on the down-low," Jack said

"I have a session with Doctor Redford tomorrow,"

"Keep your cool, work with her and maybe you'll impress her like Emily," Jack said "Doctor Alexander you are quite remarkable when you want to be."


End file.
